Tug of war

“Aim high, the higher the better.”
“Shoot for the moon, dream big.”
“Who seeks shall find.”
“Try and try until you succeed. Don’t compromise.”
“There is no-one between you and your dreams.”
“Ask and you shall be given.”

They say, you get in life that what you have the courage to ask for. The courage to ask for something is not always enough.

Imagine. What if every step towards something you want is a step away from someone who has always been there for you?

There is nothing more important than family and love.”
“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.”
“Love awakens your soul.”
“You always gain by giving love.”
“If you want to become fearless, choose love.”
“When we have each other, we have everything.

Is there anything worse than this state of helplessness?

Deep inside, self dissatisfaction is a choice we make over hurting them. It’s ironic. This choice comes from a mechanism that is trained to choose the best for us. It is functioning at levels beyond our conscious thinking. How can, then, one turn against themselves, when humans are genetically so well trained for survival.

Should we trust this intelligence?

The other option is to revolt.

“Revolt against whom, our own selves?”

This is the unsatisfactory deadend.

Fight against no one

We become what we can’t fight.

We want to stay sane. Why? Don’t know. But we have to. There are things, in numbers quite large, we don’t like. We want them to not happen. We want them to end. We don’t fight them. Sometimes we “can’t” fight them. Why fight a battle that we will lose after we appear to win?

We are cowards. We are scared to risk what we may end up losing after we win. It kills us from inside. We fight against our own selves. This is a battle we choose over the one we can’t afford to lose, or win.

We are losers. We use our fingers, not our arms to convey what we want. We just can’t fight back.

“What the hell do I do?”, asked a voice inside me, one day.

“Why do you have to fight it? It is the way it is. Stop troubling yourself over it. You are not responsible for everything wrong that’s happening around you.”, came a reply in a slightly different voice.

When there is a conflict inside, one of the sides is assigned to the blood pumping organ and the other to the manager of organs. I couldn’t identify which one was which.

The following day, I argued against the notion of chasing dreams.

The death of existence

Would I still exist if I weren’t born?

The particles that make me up would certainly be here, scattered.

Would these words have been here, on this website?

The love that I have for people, would not be here. The hatred that I share with some of them would not be here.

More importantly, the love they have for me would not be here.

The day I was born, I did not bring these with me. I have them now. I must have created them. I did not come with questions and thoughts. I am not the one who created them. If I did, wouldn’t I only create the thoughts that would make me burst with ecstasy every second? Why would I have questions that trouble me, thoughts that make me want to run away from them?

Well, what about a washing machine? The parts that it is made up of would still be there if nobody assembled them. The collective contribution of those parts to cleanliness of my clothes, leading to a successful date with a hygiene freak girl, can not be ignored. It would have ended at the first sign of stinky clothes.

I am proud of being a human. Why? A washing machine is also doing good and wonders. Does it celebrate my well ended date? Well, it’s contribution is quite small, no doubt. Victory! I am better than a washing machine. Hihaa!!

I have heard of people who don’t have a life. Bring them into this. I am unemployed, don’t have a lot of skills, was not born in a money draining family, don’t know much about the world and no good looks either.

I have been assembled with all the organs intact, as I write. I am a washing machine that has been assembled and has sources of supply for what it needs. I don’t have the will to wash clothes.

A washing machine machine can’t be under social anxiety or employment pressure though. Maybe that is why it never says ‘no’ whenever it is told to do its job. Could it have written all these words, if asked? More importantly, could it gather the courage to say no, at the risk of losing people that it, maybe, loves?