Tug of war

“Aim high, the higher the better.”
“Shoot for the moon, dream big.”
“Who seeks shall find.”
“Try and try until you succeed. Don’t compromise.”
“There is no-one between you and your dreams.”
“Ask and you shall be given.”

They say, you get in life that what you have the courage to ask for. The courage to ask for something is not always enough.

Imagine. What if every step towards something you want is a step away from someone who has always been there for you?

There is nothing more important than family and love.”
“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.”
“Love awakens your soul.”
“You always gain by giving love.”
“If you want to become fearless, choose love.”
“When we have each other, we have everything.

Is there anything worse than this state of helplessness?

Deep inside, self dissatisfaction is a choice we make over hurting them. It’s ironic. This choice comes from a mechanism that is trained to choose the best for us. It is functioning at levels beyond our conscious thinking. How can, then, one turn against themselves, when humans are genetically so well trained for survival.

Should we trust this intelligence?

The other option is to revolt.

“Revolt against whom, our own selves?”

This is the unsatisfactory deadend.

Fight against no one

We become what we can’t fight.

We want to stay sane. Why? Don’t know. But we have to. There are things, in numbers quite large, we don’t like. We want them to not happen. We want them to end. We don’t fight them. Sometimes we “can’t” fight them. Why fight a battle that we will lose after we appear to win?

We are cowards. We are scared to risk what we may end up losing after we win. It kills us from inside. We fight against our own selves. This is a battle we choose over the one we can’t afford to lose, or win.

We are losers. We use our fingers, not our arms to convey what we want. We just can’t fight back.

“What the hell do I do?”, asked a voice inside me, one day.

“Why do you have to fight it? It is the way it is. Stop troubling yourself over it. You are not responsible for everything wrong that’s happening around you.”, came a reply in a slightly different voice.

When there is a conflict inside, one of the sides is assigned to the blood pumping organ and the other to the manager of organs. I couldn’t identify which one was which.

The following day, I argued against the notion of chasing dreams.

10 Happiness Mantras for Moms… :)

That important meeting, a birthday party in neighbourhood and your friend’s engagement – all happening at the same time. You have to attend one and make up for another. Yes, it does get messy at times. Enjoy the beautiful mess. Choose to be happy. 

Here are 10 simple tips to be a Happy mom.

1. RELISH 5-MINUTE BREAKS 

When you are having your favourite juice, sipping your coffee or walking to the nearby store, just enjoy it. Disconnect from rest of the world and enjoy your me time.

Imagine sitting on your couch, looking outside the window and appreciating the beauty of nature with a glass of juice in your hand. Enjoy that juice and think neither about past nor future.

2. GO EASY ON YOURSELF 

There will always be some critics who do not approve of your parenting style. Let them be. You know what is best for you, your family and your baby. Ignore the criticism if it pulls you down and is not constructive. 

Every night before you sleep, think of ten great things that happened to you in the day. You will see the significant positives overpowering the insignificant negatives. 

“Our own worst enemy cannot harm us as much as our unwise thoughts. No one can help us as much as our own compassionate thoughts.” ~Buddha 

3. BUILD YOUR INNER STRENGTH 

A 10-minute meditation ritual every morning or evening can work wonders for you. It will keep you centered, mindful and sane the rest of the day. There are many mobile Applications with guided meditation audios, relaxation music and sleep stories. Once you practice this for a few days, you will experience the super power it gives you.

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment,  live in the breath.”  ~Amit Ray

4. DO WHAT YOU LIKE 

Create time to do things you really love to do – reading, listening to music or dancing. If it requires for you to seek help from others, do not hesitate. It does not make you selfish or less caring, it helps you destress. If you neglect yourself, it will make you irritable. 

If you need half an hour to have a conversation with your best friend, tell your family and slot time to speak to her without any disturbance. At times, we assume too much and do not communicate what we want. Ask and you shall be given. 

5. TREAT YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WANT OTHERS TO TREAT YOU 

You want your employer, your family and your friends to understand you, appreciate you and trust you. Do you empathize with yourself enough? Believe in yourself, respect yourself and go easy on yourself. 

Our personality is a reflection of what we feel about ourselves and how we treat ourselves. When we take ourselves seriously, the world is bound to. Believe you are a Queen, treat yourself like a Queen and you will be treated like a Queen. 

6. LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST

“Many people are alive but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.”  – Thích Nhất Hạnh 

Sometimes when we are too busy, we just keep thinking about completing the work. Do not look at your life as just series of jobs to be done. Enjoy everything that you do. Life is not the big achievements; it is the million little things. The time with mother nature, great interactions with good people, sharing and caring is all happening while we are chasing our big goals. Acknowledge and enjoy all of it. 

7. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS 

Most of us stop dreaming or give up on our dreams after becoming a mom. Once you start believing in your dreams again, you will find ways to give time, efforts and attention to this while still managing the other things well. You just have to believe in your dreams. 

“Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.”  ~Robin S. Sharma 

8. STAY HEALTHY AND LOVE YOURSELF 

Eat healthy, stay healthy and stay fit. However, do not chase size zero. As long as you are healthy and are able to take care of yourself, your family and your work, you are beautiful. Love yourself for who you are and love your body. 

9. BE THE GIRL YOU ONCE WERE 

There are no rewards for being sane all the time. Sing out loud, dance in your living room and play crazy games. In fact, motherhood is all the more an opportunity to be a child again. 

The best thing about kids is that they are not inhibited. It takes immense energy to be self- conscious all the time. It is ok to let loose at times and just be yourself without the fear of judgement.

“In today’s rush, we all think too much — seek too much — want too much — and forget about the joy of just being.” ~Eckhart Tolle 

10. HAVE FAITH- IN PEOPLE AND UNIVERSE 

Amidst all chaos and uncertainty, it is faith that keeps us going. Your faith can move mountains and your doubt can create them. It is faith in visible and invisible, known and unknown that keeps us strong. Have faith. Stay true to yourself, keep your loved ones by your side and stay strong. 

In pursuit of happiness, we need to just pause and be happy. Happiness will not come to us that one day; it’s experienced every day in little things like these. So, be happy and pass on the happiness to your child. After all, kids don’t need a perfect mom, they need a happy one. Wish you a calm, meaningful and cheerful life ahead. 

Heroes in our Homes

(1)

He is sitting silently on the hospital bench. 

“Congratulations! You have been blessed with a baby girl,” the nurse announces excitingly.

He stands up.

“Would you like to see her? I will bring her to you,” says the nurse.

She comes back after ten minutes, with the little miracle in her hand. He looks at the little life as she moves from nurse’s arms to grandmother’s arms.

“Have you recorded the time of birth? You guys are always in your own little world,” he yells at his mother.

Her face turns pale. Everyone around her goes silent for a while.


(2)

He is standing in the hall waiting for his wife and daughter. 

His daughter is going to college and is moving out of their home.

“Darling, hope you have kept your medicines,” says his wife, as they enter the hall.

Yes mom, don’t worry.”

“Also, make sure you take out all the snacks as soon as you reach there and arrange them properly.”

“No, I won’t,” the daughter laughs, “I will manage, Mom.”

“It’s high time you learn to take things seriously,” he yells at his daughter.

She breaks down. So does her mother.


(3)

He is moving out of the hospital with his extremely sick father. As he makes his father sit in the car, his father suddenly holds him tightly and starts breathing heavily.

He looks at his father and looks around to see if there is someone who can help. In seconds, his father stops breathing. He looks back at him to realize his father is no more.

He calls his wife, “Inform everyone he is no more.”

“What!??” she exclaims.

He hangs up.

Her heart sinks as she senses the coldness in her husband. She sits down and cries her heart out.


This is just half the story. Here’s the full story…

(1)

He looks at the little life as she moves from nurse’s arms to the grandmother’s arms.

He is overwhelmed and is feeling a range of emotions. He brought into this world a life; he has a big responsibility now and he suddenly has this unconditional feeling of love.”

He doesn’t cry with happiness.

“Have you recorded the time of birth? You guys are always in your own little world,” he yells at his mother.


(2)

“No, I won’t,” the daughter laughs “I will manage, Mom.

His daughter is moving into the big bad world. He always protected her and now he is concerned for her. He doesn’t cry and say, “I love you. Please take care of yourself.”

“It’s high time you learn to take things seriously,” He yells at his daughter.


(3)

He looks back at him to realize his father is no more. 

His world is shaken. He feels like there is no roof over him anymore. He feels this unbearable pain in his heart.

He doesn’t cry.

He calls his wife, “Inform everyone he is no more.”

“What!??” she exclaims.

He hangs up.


He  doesn’t cry, he never does. He should not. He is supposed to give strength to the family and be their hero. And heroes don’t cry. Humans do.

Every time he feels the rush of emotions, he doesn’t know what to do. And the outlet is what it is. 


Let’s ask ourselves today…

Do we want to be born to a hero or to a human?
Do we want to live with a hero or a human?
Do we want to raise a hero or a human?”

The 3 sisters

Diya, Riya and Tiya were playing. Their mom was busy in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the family.

Suddenly, she heard someone crying. It was Tiya, the youngest one.
Mom screamed, “Riya, don’t bully your little sister.
Mom, but I didn’t do anything. You always scold me for no reason.” Riya replied annoyingly.

Mom entered their room and observed how upset they all were.
Fight as much as you want to. There will come a time when you will look back and miss these days badly.

Mom please! Not these dialogues again. It gets too melodramatic. I think you should stop watching those daily soaps.” Diya, the eldest one, said sternly.

Present Day:

Riya is spraying perfume on Tiya.
Tiya says authoritatively, “Not on my face.. it may damage my skin.
They all start laughing.

Tiya is getting married. Riya has come to India after 2 years to attend her wedding. Diya is just too happy for these 5 days when they are all getting to meet again. Though, there’s not much time to sit and talk. Their kids are too young and demand attention. Tiya is busy with customs and parlour appointments.

All they need is a little more time for their silly fights.

The 2 Worlds

Knock knock.
Shanti opened the door.

“Aunty”, the neighbour said. “Please have dinner at our place tomorrow. We have Ganesh pooja, and we need your blessings.”

Shanti has earned a lot of respect because of her simple nature, calm demeanour and warm conduct. Both her sons are married now. One is settled in Bangalore, and the other in Chandigarh. Shanti keeps shuttling between the 2 residences depending on who needs her more.

Shanti is in Chandigarh these days. Her husband, Randheer, is also in Chandigarh with the family. Randheer has not been keeping well for last few months, owing to his age and lifestyle. Shanti is still quite active; she is 12 years younger to Randheer. When they got married, she was 18. Since then, she has been taking care of Randheer, his family and kids. Last few days of Shanti have solely been dedicated to Randheer, making arrangements for his strict dietary requirements as well as his food cravings within the dietary restrictions and accompanying him for walks, hospital visits, etc.

Since morning, Randheer has been rather silent. He had his breakfast and wanted to rest a bit. Shanti, meanwhile, was busy with other work. She goes in to check if he needs something. “Would you like to have some milk or sprouts?”, she asks. He doesn’t respond. She goes closer and tries to move him. “Noooooooooooo”, she screams. His son comes running to the room. She starts crying and hugs her son. “He has left us alone.”, she shrieks.

Five days later, after all the rituals are done and the visitors have gone, she moves in her room. She is lying on the bed; her eyes are hurting as she has been crying all day for last 5 days. There is no one in the room. She sleeps for 2 hours, and feels quite fresh when she wakes up.

Somehow, she can’t stop smiling. A part of her wants to madly indulge in the dance of liberation. She is free, from the shackles of slavery and insult. No one is going to abuse her anymore. Her relationship with Randheer was never of companionship. There was no love. She was nothing more than a caretaker and a punching bag for him. He is gone now.

For the world, she is a devastated widow. There is a world inside her where she always dreamt of being free, of living her own life and of not serving someone endlessly; where she wanted to be treated as a human and not as a doormat. In her real and authentic world, she is finally free to live her own life.